Why did the blonde get on the roof of the bar?
She heard drinks were on the house.
What did the blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
"Oh, look, Daddy ... doughnut seeds."
A blonde phones up the fire brigade and says that her house is on fire.
Fireman asks, "How do we get there ?"
She replies, "HELLO ... IN THE BIG RED LORRY !"
Q.) Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?
A.) Because red means Stop.
A blonde and a brunette are sky-diving.
The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord - nothing happens.
She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.
The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh!
So you wanna race, huh?"
What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
An airbag.
Why did the blonde tip-toe across the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
This blonde went to the pizza place and ordered a pizza. The pizza guy asked her if she wanted it cut into six pieces or twelve.
Oh, six, she said. I could never eat twelve pieces.
Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney World in Florida.
As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign saying "Disney World Left!"
After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde said "Oh well!" and started driving back home.
Q: Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?
A: They're too hard to re-train.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour.
Hey, asked the brunette at the wheel, see any cops following us?
The blonde turned around for a long look. As a matter of fact, I do.
Oh, NOOOO! yelled the brunette. Are his flashers on?
The blonde turned around again.
"Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..."
A blonde woman buys a bath, the next day she returnes to the shop claiming it's broken and leaking water, she says every time i fill it up it just empties.
The shop keeper replies have you put the plug in it, she replys "I never knew it was electrical"
A young Blonde was telling her friend at a cocktail party that she was off men for life.
"They lie, cheat, and they are no good. From now on, when I want sex I'll use my vibrator."
"But what if the batteries run out? What will you do?" asked the friend.
"Same as I do with my boy friend, I'll fake the orgasm."
Why did the blonde get on the roof of the bar?
She heard drinks were on the house.
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of world capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of London?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: L."
There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree.
After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, "I'm chopping down the next tree I see.
I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"
How many blonde jokes are there?
1 the rest of them are true stories.
Q. How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A. Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
A brunette says to a blonde "Look!
A dead bird!"
and the blonde looks up and says "Where?"
What did the blonde say when she found she is pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
There is this blonde going to Disney World.
She sees a sign that says, "Disney World left".
She turns around and goes home.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
Two blonde women are talking.
- you know, yesterday, I cheated on my husband.
- did you do it for money or for love?
- for love of course, 'cause you know $300 is not really money anymore.
How do you make a blonde laugh on a Saturday?
Tell her a joke on a Wednesday.
A blonde was asked what the capital of California was. �That�s easy,� she said. �It�s C.�
What did the mom say to her blonde duaghter before a date?
If your not in bed by 12 come home.
Why did the blonde nurse take a red magic marker to work?
So she could draw blood.
Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and goes, "Where?"
Q. How would a blonde punctuate the following: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A. Fun period fun period fun no period worry worry worry....
Q. Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A .. She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree.
After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, "I'm chopping down the next tree I see.
I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."
Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A. Frosted Flakes
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde.
A blonde was taking the tour of a national park not long ago.
The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils had been found in the area.
The blonde exclaimed, "Wow! I can't believe the dinosaurs would come this close to the highway!"
Q: How many stupid blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two - one to stand inside the bath, the other to pass the hair dryer.
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A. Put a scratch 'n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
Q. What did the blonde say when she saw the banana peel on the floor?
A. Oh no, I'm going to fall again!
Q. A blonde is going to London on a plane. How can you steal her window seat?
A. Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.
Why does a blonde smile in a lightning storm?
They think their getting their picture taken.
Q: What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials?
A: Double-dumb.
Q. What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A. She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A. Its difficult to open the legs on an ironing board.
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
May I see your license and registration, please? asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license. Now today you want me to show it to you!
During her company's periodic password audit, a blond employee was found to be using this password:
GoofyHueyLouieDeweyDaisyDonaldMickey
MinniePhoenix
When she was asked why she had such a long password, she said,
"The boss said that my password had to be at least eight characters long and have at least one capital."
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
Because she was trying to make up her mind.
A blonde phones up the fire brigade and says that her house is on fire.
Fireman asks, "How do we get there ?"
She replies, "HELLO ... IN THE BIG RED LORRY !"
Did you hear about the blonde who locked herself in the car?
Why did the blonde nurse take a red magic marker to work?
So she could draw blood.
Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A. The more you bang it, the looser it gets!